“Fake.”

– Anonymous post commenter

The next time that you go on a blog and read a post you believe to have been made up, ask yourself the following: “Is it impossible?”

Is it impossible that someone, somewhere in the world, has had sex with more girls than me?

Is it impossible that there’s a dude who’s making a living off his hobby while I work a job I hate?

Is it impossible that at least one individual is more in-shape than me?

Is it impossible for anyone to be smarter than me?

I think we both already know the answer.

“Being in the Midwest, you get the best of all worlds and add your own flavor to it.”

– Big Sean

1. It’s cheap

A few weeks ago I was talking with some Californians who commented on how inexpensive everything in my state is. Aside from the necessity of having to drive everywhere, the Midwest is super cheap. I have a friend whose family owns a small mansion that cost slightly less than half a million to build, something that would be near impossible to do on either coast.

2. It’s beautiful.

While summertime doesn’t last very long, it is spectacular. If you’re into hiking, windsurfing, boating, or mountain biking; you’ll love the scenery.

3. Tons of partying.

University of Iowa is the number two party school in the country, La Crosse had (until recently) the most bars per capita in the entire world, and the State Street Halloween Party in Madison Wisconsin gets over 100,000 attendees a year. Thanks to the low cost of everything bars and clubs are cheap enough for everyone to get into. If you like to rage, you could do a lot worse than the Midwest.

4. The women are suspiciously hot.

Outside Florida, New York, and California there aren’t a lot of hot coastal girls. I’ve never heard a dude say “the women of Rhode Island are amazing.”

In fact, I usually hear guys complain about the appearance and attitude possessed by girls in places like D.C. and Portland. While Midwest women lack the plastic surgery and cosmetic work of Miami girls, they’re still quite attractive. As an added bonus, none of them have the over inflated ego that accompanies girls from places like Los Angeles.

As long as you put in some effort and plan ahead, the Midwest can actually be a ton of fun. Whenever people complain about the area, it’s usually because they haven’t put in an effort to find the region’s more enjoyable features.

“I’d rather have a hot dog than caviar.”

– Juan Pablo Montoya

Whenever I tell people that I want to be a writer I always have to pretend like I want to write something profound and deep.

I don’t.

I want to be the guy who makes those eBooks that are always advertised on the sidebars of porn sites. Books with titles like 10 tips to get a bigger wiener.

I want to be one of those authors because their books sell.

My favorite author is Stefan Zweig, a guy most modern Americans have probably never heard of. If you handed the average man a copy of The Royal Game they’d never read it. Yet that same guy would probably devour a shoddy PDF book titled something like How to bang waitresses.

The reason that I mention this is because yesterday I didn’t have to go to work. Since there’s nothing fun to do on a Tuesday anyway, I decided to write my very own trashy eBook. I wrote the whole thing in six solid hours, put a silly pen name on it, sent off for a cover, and set up a website. I have a sinking suspicion that my endeavor will pay for itself in no time.

Whether you’d like to admit it or not trash is what sells. The History Channel has devolved into alien conspiracies and rednecks because actually learning something wouldn’t be “fun.”

On this site I write posts about making money, learning to program, and meditation; yet all my search hits derive from items such as “rape” and “used panties.”

The Internet, one of humanities all time greatest achievements, has potential to be used for limitless purposes. All it has is porn and cat pictures. “Lesbian Latinas 7” and “Erwin The Singing Cat” are why we don’t have a cure for cancer or solution to world hunger. All our great minds were too preoccupied with making sure that some yokels in Montana could discreetly watch strangers have sex.

I’m sure it sounds like I’m being bitter and misanthropic, but I’m not. People are people, they’ve been the same way forever. You might as well profit off them. Tim Ferriss became a best selling author by appealing to the average person’s natural laziness. Tucker Max became a household name by catering to America’s love of sex and drinking. Naked Came the Stranger was a literary hoax meant to showcase how lowbrow our culture is… and it became a bestseller.

If anything, there’s a great lesson to be learned from all this: write trash, it will make you rich.