“You lose money chasing women, never lose women chasing money”

– Nas

Pursue goals not girls

The average man’s life is built around chasing girls. Plenty of young dudes get duped into attending college on the promise that there will be girls and cheap beer.

The majority of men’s magazines use the same tactic. Buy this watch, girls will like it. Finance this car, you’ll have a lot of sex.

“Spend a lot of money on things you don’t really want or need and, somehow, you’ll get girls.”

Following this advice is pretty stupid.

I know plenty of guys who are wasting their time and money in hopes that it gets them laid.

On the flip side there’s the whole pick-up community.

Men should live on their friend’s couch and do nothing but go out and hit on girls all day.

“Having a job or doing normal things is for suckers, you should be out ‘gaming’ in the park!”

It’s not surprising that most of the guys who put all their focus on pick-up grow bitter and jaded. Eventually they do nothing but complain about “hypergamous sluts” and shout about the death of Western Civilization.

Both groups are stupid

When you spend all of your time and money chasing girls you can’t invest in yourself.

This creates an interesting problem…

When you fail to get girls, or when the girl you do swoop leaves, you end up with nothing. There’s no lasting reward either way.

You’re trying to build an empire on rented ground.

Both the pick-up wizard and the guy who always buys bottle service in the club are dedicating their finite time and resources to something with zero longevity or return.

The next day you’re back to square one.

Why goals are better than girls

Before someone complains in the comments, yes, there are dudes who have goals and are still terrible with women.

There are plenty of men who are successful in multiple areas of life, but suck with girls.

Every week it seems like there’s a new story about some actor or billionaire who tried to hit on a girl only for it to blow up in his face.

On average though, I’m going to speculate, a man on a mission is probably more successful with women than a normal dude or pick-up guru.

Here are a few reasons why:

• Girls know that your goal comes first

Pick-up guys always love to talk about avoiding validation. They write massive essays and eBooks on how men can make it look like they really aren’t all that interested in whichever girl they are hitting on.

Theoretically that’s great. And I’d definitely agree that any dude who is overeager to talk to girls, or always complimenting them, comes across as weird or needy.

But the whole idea of not validating girls is kind of lost once you’re spending every second of free time trying to sleep with them.

A legitimate goal is something that girls have to compete against for your attention.

If you have something that you’re passionate about you never have to worry about referring to pick-up books to make sure that you aren’t coming across as too needy.

• You actually have something interesting to say

If all your time is spent thinking about girls you’re going to be a pretty boring guy. Every dude I’ve ever met who was focused on nothing but pick-up was dull. And girls could sense that too.

Yes, you can memorize all kinds of jokes and stories, but you’re still going to sound like some robotic nerd.

When there’s something that you have a passion for you’re going to put energy into your words. That energy is going to engage everyone who listens.

Some guy who’s talking about how much he loves his sailboat or his guitar is going to draw a more women to him than the dude who only repeats stupid lines that he memorized from a book.

• There’s always something for you

When some pick-up guy strikes out he’ll have a meltdown. Forums and blogs are filled with these.

And it’s perfectly natural.

Putting everything you’ve got towards the chance of getting laid is like betting your paycheck on a game of roulette.

There is no guarantee that you’ll get anything back. And when you lose you’re going to be frustrated.

I’ve had plenty of instances where I broke up with a girl, or wasn’t getting a lot of female attention, and it didn’t bother me.

I had other stuff going on in my life and that was far more important than having sex.

Should you still go after girls?

I’m obviously not saying that you should swear off women or join one of those Men Going Their Own Way cults. In fact, you should probably spend some time learning about female psychology and read a few game books.

I was big into pick-up when I was 18 and I think that it helped me out quite a bit.

However, focusing solely on girls isn’t a good long-term plan.

You need to have a life mission that’s bigger than going out on Friday night and trying to hook up.

Something like writing a book, building a blog, learning to play a musical instrument, or getting in shape will make you far happier at the end of the day.