“There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.”

– G. K. Chesterton

How to make guy friends

How many male friends have you made since college?

I’m going to guess that your actual number of new friends, not just dudes you talk to at work, is less than 10. In your free time you’ve probably talked to three times as many women as you have men.

The concept of male friendship is so rare that when I tried to find a pictures for this post most of the results were about platonic relationships between men and women.

There’s a stigma in America where men can’t hang out too much or it would be “gay” or “weird.” Even Hollywood tries to marginalize male friendship.

If there’s a movie about three guys hanging out its usually going to star Ed Helms and be about a bunch of dorky losers. A film where men got together to build a race car or train for a marathon would have to showcase how incompetent and clueless they were.

Since this seems to be a major problem, I’ve decided to share a brief guide on how to make guy friends.

Join a gym

Going to Planet Fitness probably won’t earn you any new friends. But enrolling in a powerlifting, CrossFit, boxing, MMA, or bodybuilding gym will introduce you to a ton of new people.

These places all specialize in one activity, which helps to bring members together. Additionally, the types of gyms I just listed tend to rely on group participation. You can’t spar against yourself or lift 315 pounds without a spotter.

While participating in a sport isn’t a guaranteed method of making new friends, it increases your odds greatly.

Take up an “old person” hobby

A lot of men who complain about political correctness need to visit a golf course. The guys there are cracking all kinds of off-color jokes and having a blast.

Golfing, fishing, hiking, and other hobbies might not be “cool,” but you’ll make great friends. Also, you can really network and get a lot of doors opened this way. While all your peers are getting drunk and wondering why they are unemployed you’re hanging out with people who’ve already made it.

From personal experience back in Iowa, you can meet far more millionaires, community leaders, and people you’d aspire to be like at a fishing outing or gun show than you can at a bar. The old myth of “networking” by going to a trendy, and expensive, nightclub is pure fiction. Its just a flimsy excuse that lazy girls who try to become “socialites” use to justify their poor choices.

Contribute to an Internet clique

The New Yorker famously published a cartoon showing two canines using a computer. It was captioned “On the Internet nobody knows you’re a dog.”

The joke is supposed to highlight how people on forums and blogs are trolls and losers. But in real life I’ve found the opposite to be true.

I’ve met well over a dozen people from different message boards and websites. And in every instance all of them were cooler than me.

Joining a forum or blog network can introduce you to some really interesting people. It also gives you some common ground to bond over and puts you in touch with like-minded individuals.

If you have any other suggestions let me know in the comment section.

Are Peruvian girls easy?

(and 5 other things you should know about Latin American women)

Over the past three months I’ve went out with about 20 different Peruvian girls. I swooped some, dated others, and ran for the hills from at least one of them.

Having quite a bit of experience with Peru and its women, I decided to write a post clarifying some common misconceptions. If you’ve ever been interested in Latin America and the dating scene you’ll really like today’s post.

1. What do Peruvian girls look like?

Some people claim that Peru has ugly women. Others rave about how hot they are.

The average Peruvian girl is far more attractive than her American counterparts. There really isn’t much of an obesity problem here and girls put a lot of effort into their appearance.

High heels, nice clothes, and makeup are the norm. You’ll never see some Chipotle shambler oozing around in sweatpants and a ratty T-shirt.

Unless you’re coming from Manhattan or Los Angeles the quality of girls will be higher than you’re used to.

2. Do women really like foreigners?

Living abroad doesn’t automatically make every woman swoon over you. Some girls are super into you and others just aren’t interested.

No matter where you go you’ll never be attractive to every girl you meet.

This is why things like online dating are a great option. The girls there are, usually, looking to meet travelers and cool foreigners.

3. Why American pick-up doesn’t work

When he isn’t plagiarizing content and directly stealing from others, a certain eBook salesman, and self-described “pick-up guru,” is usually giving out advice on hooking up with American women.

His material might work in the West, but it would fail you overseas.

Stuff like insult humor and having a bad boy persona isn’t needed. In America you always need a snappy comeback for everything a girl says. In Peru you can just have a normal conversation.

If you’re talking to a girl and she says “I like movies,” you can respond with “Cool, me too. What’s your favorite?”

You don’t need to put on some theatrical show to try and win a girl over. And a lot of Western pick-up would actually work against you.

If a girl said “I like movies” and you responded with “you sound like a friendless loser” it would set your progress back.

For lack of a better term, being a nice guy is pretty effective. Trying to pretend like you’re some bad boy really isn’t going to do a whole lot for you.

4. Will women try to scam you?

Being a nice guy doesn’t mean that you’re a doormat. Latin American women might be friendly, but they’re also incredibly cunning. Expat bars are filled with guys who get bossed around by their 100-pound girlfriends.

Going online and searching “foreign girl scams” usually brings up all kinds of crazy stuff. Guys who were dating a girl only to come home one day and find that she’d stolen all their stuff, tourists who get tricked into taking women to $200 a plate restaurants, and other scary stuff.

In all honesty, you’d have to be pretty dumb to fall for any of those. Unless you had literally never talked to women in your entire life you’d be able to detect something fishy. Hustlers aren’t subtle and any random girl who just runs up to talk to you is probably up to something.

Use some common sense and have a backbone. It will keep you from getting tricked into dangerous or unpleasant situations.

5. Are Peruvian girls easy?

Guys who want to sleep with a lot of women should move to a college town in their home state. Random bar sex is a very American concept and not something that’s super popular elsewhere.

In Peru there really isn’t much of a one night stand or hook-up culture. Going to a bar and taking home someone you just met isn’t that common. Everyone goes out in groups and girls are always with their friends and family at the bar.

With that said, some girls easier than others. I’ve hooked up with girls the first time we hung out and I’ve went of dates where nothing happened.

At one point I even went out with a girl whose mom had to chaperon us. That’s something you’d never hear of in America.

6. Is the language barrier an obstacle?

Hablo un poco Castillano, pero es dificil.

Fortunately, I’m good enough to get around and hold basic conversations. On top of this I usually go places where there’s a lot of activity, like the zoo, and you don’t have to hold a deep conversation.

If you’re willing to practice Spanish for an hour or two a day you really shouldn’t have any trouble. Additionally, most of the people in Lima can understand some basic English. That and your entry-level Spanish will get you by.

Final thoughts

A lot of  men, who’ve never been outside the country, love to talk about how awesome foreign girls are. Forums and blogs are filled with guys who hype up exotic women. Although American women have a lot of faults, foreign girls have their shortcomings too. There are a variety of cultural barriers that you have to adjust to and you still have to stay alert.

Any man who hops off a plane and expects to get swarmed by women is a fool. You still need to be a normal guy who can interact with girls and not get pushed around.

P.S. If you’re looking to date or hook up with some hot Peruvian chicks, LatinAmericanCupid is one of the easiest places to meet them. This is especially true if you’re on a short schedule (like a two week vacation) and just want a hassle-free way to met some sexy senoritas.

While you do have to shell out a few bucks for a subscription, LatinAmericanCupid is totally worth the money.

“Engagement far more important than followers.”

– Mike Essex

Does referral traffic matter?

I get a couple thousand pageviews a day. Yet my referral traffic is nothing. In fact, less than 50% of my readers come from another website.

When I woke up this morning I had 828 pageviews. Not bad for a Saturday morning. Of those hits only 284 had been brought in by an outside source.

Today I want to talk about a secret that many people don’t realize. Referral links and social media traffic aren’t all that important. Despite what the gurus with their $1,000 seminars might say, you can have a perfectly fine blog without worrying about SEO or Twitter.

More hits and outside traffic is nice, but not something you should lose sleep over. I wouldn’t even place it in your top 5 priorities.

And here’s why:

Viral content doesn’t mean much

A month ago I wrote a post titled One secret to triple your motivation. The post got picked up on Reddit and several thousand people came pouring in. I must have gotten a ton of new fans, right?

Wrong.

If I gained 20 new readers I’d be surprised.

While the viral post got swamped, all my other articles received normal amounts of traffic. That means people were only looking at one piece before they packed up and left.

Huge aggregator sites, like Reddit, are filled with tire kickers. Some guy is bored at work so he thumbs through links looking for something to distract him. He might click over to your site, but he’ll leave two seconds later. Casual browsers seeking entertainment leave just as quickly as they arrived.

Getting an extra 2,000 hits might boost your ego, but it has no long-term impact if the viewers don’t stick around. Developing a fanbase is much more important.

How a Facebook hoax made me a better blogger

NPR, National Public Radio for those out of the loop, played a brilliant prank on its audience. They released an article titled Why Doesn’t America Read Anymore?

To stir up controversy and troll readers they published this piece on Facebook.

The post, when you clicked through the Facebook link, congratulated you on actually reading the article. Then it instructed readers to share the post without commenting on it. That way NPR could gauge how many people read the piece verses all the people who pretend to.

This article, which was under 100 words, told readers that it was a prank right in the first sentence. As long as you clicked the link you’d know not to comment. Yet thousands of people shared it. Many of them wrote angry comments about how disappointing it was that no one reads anymore.

And these weren’t stupid people either. Some of them were, allegedly, big readers and intellects.

NPR, which caters to an upper-class and well read crowd, has a huge audience that’s too lazy to actually read their content. And these are people who claim to love books and mental challenges. This means that the average guy doesn’t have a fighting chance. Most of the crowd that viral content brings in isn’t even reading the first sentence.

Why you need fans

A week or two ago Well Built Style, check him out if you’re looking for fashion advice, tweeted an article about the importance of having 1,000 true fans. You should read through the whole post, but here’s a quote that summarizes the concept:

“Assume conservatively that your True Fans will each spend one day’s wages per year in support of what you do. That ‘one-day-wage’ is an average, because of course your truest fans will spend a lot more than that. Let’s peg that per diem each True Fan spends at $100 per year. If you have 1,000 fans that sums up to $100,000 per year, which minus some modest expenses, is a living for most folks.”

A casual browser who gets roped in by clickbait won’t buy anything. They’ll be out the door within seconds. That’s why major sites rely on ads. Shoving a commercial in your face is a lot easier than getting you to read a 2,000 word product review.

Unless you have the type of cash to launch a huge publication, ads won’t work. They’ll make the site look tacky and that’s about it.

You need fans.

A fan will order your eBook, buy a product you recommend, or donate money to you. They like you and want to support your work.

Some random guy isn’t going to do anything for you. A fan will help however they can. One fan is worth 1,000 unfocused pageviews.

What attracts fans?

I only buy Ralph Lauren shoes. Even the flip-flops I wear to the bathroom. That’s the brand I like.

Every shoe I’ve bought from them has looked great and held up to all kinds of wear and tear. The company has built up a great reputation with me.

You want to build up the same type of reputation with your readers. Deliver high quality material that they can use. You don’t always have to break new ground, but you should be sharing stuff that provides real value.

Also, keep in mind Warren Buffet’s classic advice:

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

Lying, offending your readers, or doing other things that tarnish your reputation will cause trouble. Plenty of bloggers and writers develop a massive ego that upsets their audience and destroys their career. Don’t be like them. Stay humble.

Is referral traffic important at all?

Most people could make snappy articles that drum up views, read this post to learn how, but attracting the reader is only half the battle. Referral traffic can get people through the door, but it can’t keep them around. Good content, a solid reputation, and a strong voice are what engages visitors.

You should definitely try to get new people to your site, but that doesn’t need to be your main goal. Your readership will naturally grow over time.

Instead of putting all your effort into quick traffic spikes try to publish valuable content that keeps people coming back.

“The top towns also boast heartwarming settings where the air is a little fresher, the grass greener, the pace gentler than in metropolitan America.”

– Smithsonian.com

Are tourist towns worth visiting?

At least once a week I run into some granola eating trust-fund travel hippies who ask me “Have you been to [town several hours away] and had lunch in the square yet?” They always act shocked when I tell them no.

The truth is, I don’t have the time, money, or patience to meander around the countryside looking at every old church. And, honestly, you shouldn’t waste your time doing this either. If you’re traveling be strategic and avoid mindless sightseeing. It will drain your wallet and your sanity.

Tourist traps will suck you dry

This week I went to see the Nazca Lines and some really old mummified corpses. Both of these attractions were awesome and I’d highly recommend them. However, the city of Nazca itself is just one giant attempt at getting you to part with your cash.

As soon as you step off the bus you’re surrounded by hustlers and hecklers. I was personally swarmed by no less than five dudes who followed me from the bus station to the front of my hotel. They bugged me about “cheap tours” and immediately dampened my mood.

Those guys on the street aren’t the only ones trying to rip you off either. Going out to eat costs, by Peruvian standards, quite a bit. All the restaurants are Westernized, meaning they serve burgers and pizza, and a sandwich costs more than a full meal back in Lima. Also, getting food at a street vendor is just a pricey due to the fact that you’ll be paying “Gringo tax.” I got a small plate of fried intestine and a potato for the same price as cerviche in my city. Guts that have been cooked on an outdoor grill should never cost that much.

If it wasn’t for my awesome tour of the Nazca Lines I wouldn’t have liked this place at all. The town itself is dirty and overpriced. Outside the lines and mummies there’s no reason to stick around.

This might sound like I’m bashing on one place I didn’t like, but it’s true of every tourist destination around the world. In every country I’ve been to the touristy parts are worse and more expensive than anywhere else.

Leafer country in Iowa, where I grew up, is outrageously expensive. When the seasons start to change and the weather cools down a $5 cup of coffee doubles in price. And there are all kinds of shoddy hotels that thrive off desperate travelers who’ll put up with whatever they find.

Simply put, the influx of tourists and their guaranteed income keeps tourist communities from ever innovating or improving. They know you’ll be paying them so they really don’t have to worry about your needs. There’s nowhere else for you to go that’s any better.

Most places are one show wonders

A lot of people kept raving about how awesome Ica, Peru was. Going there was fun, but it isn’t a “must see” place like everyone made it out to be.

If you’re on the road and go to every single “quaint” town or place with one really good restaurant, you’ll waste your vacation. These places usually have, at most, an hour’s worth of unique experiences. Visiting a museum, drinking a beer at the brewery where it was made, or shopping at a farmer’s market are all activities that can be done in under a day.

If you have a two week vacation and decide to visit some small town with one attraction you’ve just traded a whole day for two hours of fun. Driving five hours to look at a town square and have a snack is poor time management.

Locals hate tourists

Townies verses outsiders is a feud as old and deep as Bloods verses Crips. Most visitors are bumbling morons who disrupt everything. Even if you’re cool, people will still lump you in with all the dorks and irritants.

In Lima you can walk up to any girl, start a basic conversation with her, and invite her out later or get her number. Step off the bus in some tourist hotspot and the women look at you with scorn.

Local dudes will be hostile too. They’ll basically view you as a chump and either troll you or try to get at your wallet. You have to be on guard the whole time you’re in a tourist trap. Otherwise it’s very easy to get taken advantage of.

Making friends in these places is difficult. The residents don’t like you and other backpackers are concerned with showing you all the photos they’ve taken. It creates a very strange and alien feeling if you are journeying alone.

Only go to places worth visiting

It probably sounds like I hate traveling and seeing cool sights. But I don’t. In fact, I love checking out cool new things.

However, I think that it is incredibly important to choose your destinations wisely. Otherwise you’ll end up at a whole bunch of unsatisfying trips that kill your desire to see the world.

Pick places that actually seem cool to you. Don’t just bounce around because some guy, or guidebook, told you how awesome a distant rock pile is.