30 Days To X

The days keep changing, will you?

Actions speak louder than words

By Leave a Comment

“Words travel as swiftly as desire”

– Laura Esquivel

If you’re worried that talking to strangers will make you look ridiculous, watch this video:

To quote the old adage: “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.”

Despite their inane banter, these guys are still successfully picking up women.

Why?

Because they don’t care about looking stupid, have confident body language, and are initiating conversations with strangers.

Read up on each of these subjects, and then go out and practice them.

I promise you won’t regret it.

Know when to run

By Leave a Comment

“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run”

– Kenny Rogers, The Gambler

Since I wrote about body language yesterday, I thought I’d share a personal story about the importance of reading physical cues.

The following is completely true:

It was my second evening in Managua, Nicaragua. I had just finished eating, and decided to walk back to my hotel room. It was only a few blocks away and the sun had only just set, what could go wrong?

[Before I get a bunch of hate for being a moron, take two things into consideration: 1) I’m from Iowa, there is no crime in my home state. 2) I wasn’t in a dangerous part of the city.]

Halfway back to my room, I noticed a dude in front of me who seemed suspicious. While I couldn’t put my finger on the reason, I knew something wasn’t right about this guy. As I continued my stroll, I kept an eye on him. A little further along, I caught him make an unnatural hand gesture. It was subtle and if I hadn’t been watching him, I would have missed it.

Having watched Taken and half a dozen other “people go on vacation and bad things happen” style movies, I decided it was high time to get out of dodge. As the man was making his signal, I turned and started running the opposite direction. At about the same time half a dozen dudes came streaming out from an alleyway.

I’d love to tell you that I busted out some sweet fighting moves, and single handily beat them all up; but I’d be lying. Instead reality, I started yelling “Policia!” as I sprinted away. Although I escaped unscathed, things would have turned out a lot worse if I hadn’t picked up on my aggressors visual cues.

P.S. From that night forth I took taxis everywhere.

What Every BODY is Saying

By 4 Comments

“The agent instantly understood the significance of the eyelid behavior he had witnessed, and from that moment forward the ‘minor’ suspect became the primary person of investigation.”

– Joe Navarro, What Every BODY is Saying

Last weekend I accidentally karate chopped a girl in the throat.

I was animatedly telling a story and swung my arm out as I reached the narrative’s climax. As I did so, a girl walking behind me stepped right into the path of my hand. While she wasn’t hurt, the event was incredibly embarrassing.

The next morning, I decided it was high time to start controlling my body language better. To do so, I picked up a copy of What Every BODY is Saying, by Joe Navarro. For 25 years Navarro worked as an FBI counter intelligence agent, specializing in nonverbal communication. He’s essentially a human lie detector.

While the book did provide me with some pointers on my own body language, it’s real focus was far more valuable. What Every BODY is Saying is really a book about reading the physical signals of others. I found this this information both fascinating and incredibly useful. During my read through, I could easily connect my own experiences with what the author was saying. I also learned quite a few things that I’d never even thought about, like:

“People lean away from each other subconsciously when they disagree or feel uncomfortable around each other.”

Another interesting fact I learned, was that:

“Thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and confidence. People in authority should avoid this display because it send the wrong message.”

Similarly:

“When confidence is low or we are concerned for ourselves, the chin will tuck in, forcing the nose down.”

The book also contains some great information on projecting an aura of confidence and authority, just by correctly positioning the body.

I highly recommend this book for everyone. Whether you’re a playing poker,  conducting business, picking up girls, giving a presentation, or just trying not to karate chop passersby; What Every BODY is Saying will have something beneficial for you.

Challenge 3: Become socially suave

By 6 Comments

“All those given to silence are dyspeptic.”

– Friedrich Nietzsche

I’m a natural introvert. Growing up, I was always socially awkward and super nerdy. I spent most of my time reading books and writing crappy existentialist fiction, rather than going out and socializing. In the long run this worked out pretty well, but I’ve always felt like I missed out on something.

When college rolled around, I decided to reinvent myself as a more outgoing guy. The process was incredibly difficult, but well worth it. Now I feel like it’s time to take my social skills to the next level.

For this months challenge, I am going to try and mold myself into the most charismatic man possible. I’m going to try and become the guy who always has the perfect thing to say, and who can talk to anybody. To do so I am going to approach and converse with one hundred random strangers before the end of the month, deliver a presentation, and study all the great orators.

My hero.

I’m not going to lie, this challenge is going to be difficult. Since I’m naturally inclined not to talk to people, I’ll have to completely alter my thinking process. Despite the difficulty curve, I think that completing this task will be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.