“The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.”
– Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
“It’s me or ______”
When men reach their 20’s they start settling down. After college comes marriage. And while there’s nothing wrong with being in love, I suspect that most of the guys committing to serious relationships are doing so for the wrong reasons.
A lot of guys think that they have to do whatever their girlfriend tells them. They worry that ignoring her demands will end the relationship and leave them all alone.
“What if no other girl likes me and I never find love again?” Is a question that I hear from a lot of young guys. This is a pretty stupid idea. Most of the dudes who end up giving into ultimatums aren’t exactly living the dream. In fact, I know three men who are in for some serious issues over the next decade. And all because they couldn’t stand up for themselves.
Three men and a lifetime of disappointment
I know several dudes who’ve buckled to the marriage demands of their girlfriends. While I don’t want to sound negative, I think that each of these relationships will end up in peril.
- Guy #1
I personally don’t know this dude super well, but he’s a guy who lives in my hometown. “Average” would be my best description of him. He’s just a normal looking man with a nondescript job and zero interesting hobbies. From what I know, he’s a guy who goes to work and then heads home to drink beer and watch television. Not a bad guy, but nothing special.
His soon to be wife on the other-hand…
This girl’s been banged out by every meth dealer and two-bit criminal in the state. She has two different kids with two different dudes, neither belong to her future husband, and is a big fat skank. This chick literally looks like a cross between the Michelin Man and a recovering drug addict.
According to what I’ve heard, from multiple sources, this guy basically got talked into marrying her. She brought up marriage enough times that he eventually caved and went “Okay honey” before buying a ring.
- Guy #2
The second guy I know is interchangeable with the first. Both men are boring but safe. They aren’t that interesting to talk to, but neither is going to be committing any crimes or causing trouble.
Guy number two’s girlfriend is pretty average too. She’s equal to him in looks and acts pretty normal. There are no illegitimate children or meth fueled hook-ups going on over here.
However, this girl pretty much mapped out the entire course of her relationship and how it has to go. A set amount of time dating, engagement, and then a wedding. She actually gave the man a specific date to propose by.
I can’t really say that there’s anything horrendously wrong with this or that the relationship will fail, but I do believe that a marriage started with an ultimatum will have trouble. It isn’t natural and it really shows who wears the pants in that relationship.
- Guy #3
The third dude I know is a lot lazier than the others. His girlfriend is, overall, better than him. This dude is the standard 90’s sitcom dad. He’s cool with whatever he’s told to do so long as he can still play video games and watch sports. I hate to use the term, but he’s a manchild.
Unless he was in a relationship with a blow-up doll, any girl this guy dates would be out of his league. While I’m not sure if their wedding plans were actually the result of an ultimatum, this dude certainly wasn’t the one to propose them. I’m sure their relationship will go well for a few years, after which excessive pudding cup consumption will somehow trigger a divorce. At which point this guy will have no idea how to take care of himself.
What all these situations have in common
Nerdy bloggers love to write lengthy essays pardoning men from any responsibility in life. If you end up in a bad relationship it’s societies fault, or the woman manipulated you, or there was too much pressure from your family. In truth, the answer is much simpler.
It’s always the man’s fault.
In every one of these situations the guy could have just got up and left. There’s no special knowledge required there. You don’t have to be some playboy or master of psychology to know that marrying a women with multiple illegitimate kids is a bad idea. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that placing an ultimatum on an engagement is problematic. And everyone should know that being a lazy slug makes you vulnerable to all kinds of dangers.
Any sane man who has to choose between his freedom and making his girlfriend happy should eject from the relationship as soon as possible.
Negotiations will get you nowhere
If a woman ever says “It’s me or ______,” choose the second option. There are plenty of girls who try to dominate the lives of men who date them.
The other day I ended up on a date with some girl. We were walking around when she saw a place that sold really expensive candies.
Upon seeing the candies this girl made a comment about them, I dismissed it. A few minutes later she brought them up again, I dismissed it again. About 10 minutes after that she erupted into a full-scale temper tantrum about not getting her stupid candies.
Instead of rushing to buy some sweets in hopes that it would appease her, I just turned around and walked away.
Situations like these make negotiations worthless. Being the nice guy and trying to fix the issue just leads to more tantrums down the road. Being the bad boy with some cocky argument and bag full of tactics is pointless too. You’re simply going to prolong your interaction with an unpleasant person.
If you ever read blogs or forums about picking up women you’ll notice that guys quickly become jaded and bitter. That’s because they don’t respect themselves enough to take a loss and move on.
If a girl has a tantrum, or acts unpleasant, those guys will put up with it in hopes that they can get laid and brag online. As a result you’ll see a lot of dudes saying things like “I couldn’t stand her and the sex wasn’t even fun.” For guys that spend countless hours studying social interaction they seem to have missed the most basic advice out there: Stay away from negative people.
This post wasn’t written to try to paint women as being evil, or tell men that they should never get married. If you want to commit to a serious relationship, that’s great. Just don’t go through with it because your girlfriend tells you to. Men need to make decisions that benefit them. Entrapping yourself in a one-sided relationship will bring nothing but misery.
Advising men to swear off women would be stupid. Girls can be a lot of fun. But, I would advise men to find a hobby that brings them just as much joy as sex does.
This way you always have a bargaining chip.
Being able to enjoy something like exercise or reading makes it easier to deal with women. You never have to feel pressured or worry about being lonely and upset because there’s always something you’re passionate about, be it boxing or model trains, waiting for you when you get home.