“Don’t make the mistake of thinking that traveling makes you better than anyone else. Going abroad for a holiday is neither difficult nor uncommon.”
– English Teacher X, How To Survive Living Abroad
After a late night of delivering pizzas you return home to your mother’s basement. Before loading up your favorite porn, you decide to check a forum you frequent. On the forum some guy named bonerman900 has written up a massive post about how awesome Moldova is. According to him, the country is cheap to live in and filled with slutty women who harbor overweight-middle-aged man fetish. In a frenzied rush, you pack your bag, wish your mom goodbye, and race to the airport. After your flight, you finally land in Moldova and discover two things. The first being that bonerman900 is really an autistic twelve year-old named Kevin who lives in Albuquerque, and the second being that Moldavia looks like this:
In the era when any moron with an Internet connection can dupe desperate men into expatriating to backwater nations, English Teacher X has taken it upon himself to keep would-be adventures out of harm’s way.
How To Survive Living Abroad is English Teacher X’s manifesto on staying overseas for an extended period of time. It covers everything from obtaining passports and visas to drug usage and sex. How To Survive Living Abroad is also a book I wish I’d read early in my own life, as it’s chalked full of valuable information.
Throughout the book, X dispels a lot of the myths that accompany traveling (like the idea that everything is better outside of the West). He also gives honest insights into the world of long-term travel. Although X’s tone here is more cynical than in his other works, his writing speaks the truth. I can personally vouch for most of the points that he makes. I was also glad to see that X took the time to dispel the oldest and most common travel myth of all: every foreign girl is both super hot and down to shack up with a Western guy.
As X explains:
“Contrary to popular belief, I have to say that being a foreigner in another country is NOT an automatic route to easily banging loads of hot chicks.
It seems to me that most guys end up banging girls who probably don’t look much better or worse than the caliber of babe they could score at home – although perhaps they do it more often, and as mentioned there are probably hotter – or at least thinner – girls to choose from.”
While traveling is a lot of fun and something that I highly recommend doing, I don’t think it’s a magic cure-all for personal problems. If you’re a loser at home, you’ll be a loser whatever country you expatriate to. Before you decide to emigrate to Rwanda in search of authentic culture and loose women, I highly recommend picking up a copy of How To Survive Living Abroad. It will save you the disappointment.